Gender roles in 2010? Part II

I “briefly” touched on the rise of men that are becoming dependent on women in my last blog. Some will say that there’s been a surge in sugar mamas, while others will point to an increase in laziness and complacency among men. What’s clear is a power shift, people.

I mainly wrote about how men and women seemed to have switched roles, in terms of professional and financial prosperity. Today, I will discuss the roles in society that we play versus what is expected of us.

One of my friends dumped her boyfriend several weeks ago. To be honest, I saw it coming from a mile away. He just seemed a little too wrapped up in my friend, and I know that she doesn’t want a yes man, but a man. When she broke the bad news, his reaction was…surprising. He left her a series of voicemails, crying profusely, begging for a second chance. “I’m not even sure what I need to change, but I’ll change, baby!” It was absolutely amazing, like seeing Bigfoot. You believe that he’s out there, but you can’t be totally sure until you’ve actually seen him. I’ve had male friends that took being dumped pretty roughly, but never had I experience anything of this magnitude.

What was even more surprising was my friend’s reaction. She played the voicemails on speakerphone for myself and a few friends, and then laughed as if her ex was telling the funniest joke known to man. This was not a giggle. This was a full-bore, cackling, loud ass laugh. It seriously amused her to know that her ex was being so “soft”. I admit, I laughed too, but not after thinking to myself, ‘What the hell is going on here?’

‘Have the tables turned?’ I thought to myself, again. I thought back to my own personal experiences with ending relationships, and how hard it was to get her to let it go. Don’t call crying or begging, because it won’t work. Yes, I get it, you miss me. That won’t help, either. Then I recalled how crude, cavalier, and callous I was, and was honestly, a little disgusted. After all, people can’t help how they feel, and I didn’t make the breakups easier by acting as if it weren’t that big of a deal. I just assumed that most women simply didn’t know how to accept that it’s over and would do whatever it took to somehow change our minds.

Boy, did my friend prove me wrong. It’s not just her that would’ve reacted like that, either. After taking the story to Twitter the following day, a number of women agreed that her response was warranted, and that soft, supersensitive men are not to be tolerated. Huh? I would’ve sworn that just a few years ago, all I heard from women is that they were tired of the over aggressive, rude, uncompassionate men that constantly approached them. I thought that they wanted sensitive men. Hell, I figured some of them even wanted a man that is in touch with his feminine side, too. What’s that saying about people that assume?

Now, I don’t believe that the tears and begging are becoming a staple of today’s men. But I do believe that women are flipping the script on us, whether they know it or not. Whether they’re doing it to be spiteful or because they genuinely feel a particular way, they’re certainly sending us into a whirlwind. It has us conversing with each other, trying to figure out whether men are indeed becoming soft. Talking about the possibility that maybe, men are just being honest about their feelings for women for a change. So many of us do things to cover up our love and appreciation for our women, that now, expressing such feelings seems a little odd. Especially seeing or hearing a grown man cry over a lost love. ODD.

I have more than a few female friends. They all feel free to say what they want around me, which I sometimes regret. To hear them talk about men the way my male friends and I talk about women (sometimes) is definitely something that has captured my attention. This is not the typical, tv, “girl talk”. They don’t sit around playing gin, drinking tea in their Sunday best. The way men discuss their sexual prowess and escapades, my female friends do the same. I’m sure the discussions get even more graphic when I’m not around. They’re not afraid to express their desire for sex, either. Scrolling through their phones, checking text messages, and listening to voice mails, trying to decide on who their next conquest will be. The only big difference between my female friends and my male friends is that my male friends tend to discuss sports more often.

Which brings me to my next point. Have you noticed how many women are sports nuts now? No, I’m not talking about the women that cheer for a team based on their colors, or how cute the players are, but women that are actually knowledgeable. Women that recite stats and player biographies as if they’d spent the night cramming for an exam. The ones that are sitting in a sports bar with their eyes glued to the television sets, and not the other guys in the place. There are more female sports reporters, journalists, anchors, broadcasters, and commentators. Women are taking their knowledge of sports to the internet, posting blogs, and hosting podcasts. A perfect example would be Blackhawks fans on Twitter. I can assure you that women are their biggest fans, and hockey is about as violent (and because of fighting, slightly more barbaric) a sport as football. And yet, the women I follow go absolutely apeshit over the Blackhawks and what happens on and off the ice.

Physicality, aggressiveness, and assertiveness are displayed by more women, also. I am perfectly aware of the “Girlfights” DVDs, but that’s not what I’m referring to. Submissiveness doesn’t seem to be on the mind of many women today. The word “bitch” has never flown with women, but now they’re doing more than asking, “Who are you calling a bitch?!” I’ve seen both young girls and women “throw hands” at the drop of a dime. And they scrapped. We’re seeing loads of fiery competitiveness and at times, belligerence in sports, with soccer player Elizabeth Lambert and tennis player Serena Williams serving as “fine” examples. I hear more profanity and foul language from everyday young girls and women, too. You’ll hear it sometimes when women joke with each other, similar to that good ol’ boy, fraternity brother ribbing that men are known for. We are starting to hear more and more women speak out for what they believe in, and this was before Hillary Clinton decided to run for president.

Are the “gender roles” in the process of full reversal? I doubt it. As long as men and women continue to put up fronts, we’ll never know everyone’s true intentions. There are men that portray Cassanova, knowing deep down inside that they’re as soft as Charmin, and women that give off the images of harlots when they’re really hopeless romantics. I don’t think it’s as much about a reversal in gender roles as much as women feeling truly tired of being placed in a dainty, pristine little box, and want to be free to do and say as they please, which is the same luxury given to men. And I definitely don’t have a problem with that, ladies…

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. #shoutout to Billie Frechette, Elle Boogy, Sarahsota, Peach, LJack, Moksha, Lara, Krys, Jean Grey, Martina (who I haven’t seen in EONS), Kiy, Ducy, Sam-I-Am, and Ambuh, my homegulls…

Gender roles in 2010? Part I

Yes, there will be a part 2…

While watching the news a few days ago, I heard a statistic that didn’t really surprise me. In 1970, only 4% of men “married up”, while now close to %22 do the same (Here’s a more in-depth story: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122612096&ft=1&f=1003) . In other words, in 1970, only 4% of men married women that had higher salaries and more education than them. I believe part of the reason for this is a reversal in gender roles. 40 years ago, it wasn’t common to see so many women graduate from college with their Bachelors, go to graduate school, and pursue a lengthy, successful career afterwards. Women 40 years ago were fighting Title IX opposition, so I can be sure that they weren’t given the same opportunities to do well as men were. It was almost an unwritten societal rule that a man was supposed to not only find a wife, but care and provide for her and the rest of the family until death do them part. You really would have had to dig deep to find a family where the wife earned more money, had a better education, or better job than her husband.

From personal experience, I know more women that are in school, working towards their careers, or have already begun their careers, than men. Granted, there are more women than men, but I’m speaking in terms of ratios. I figure that out of every 100 women I know, at least half of them are being productive, while that number is much lower for the men that I know personally. It’s not as simple as “women are better than men”, but in my opinion, slightly more complex.

Blame goes to the NBA and LeBron James, partly. Yes, it’s been six years since he made his NBA début at the age of 18. I understand that a rule has been put in place requiring high-schoolers to attend college for at least one year before entering the NBA Draft. I’m also fully aware that every guy to enter the draft after high school has not enjoyed James’s success. Still, there are dozens of thousands of little boys across the country that want nothing more than to be the next LeBron James. They dedicate their lives to basketball, and put academics on the FAR back-burner. Some of these same little boys go through high school intent on being the best prep basketball player in the country. They then go to college, where they are treated like royalty and basically told that even though their title is “student-athlete”, they are enrolled in school to make the basketball program better. A college basketball player only needs to attend classes for the fall semester to be deemed eligible by the NCAA for the fall AND spring semester. There are many freshmen that are students for only one semester so that they can be athletes for both. With no one to step in and bring up the fact that this loophole is constantly being taken advantage of, many 18 and 19 year-old boys continue to do the same thing. Some enter the NBA Draft, are selected, and completely forget about the college education that they abandoned. Occasionally, you’ll hear of an example like Carmelo Anthony, who only went to classes for the fall semester before entering the NBA Draft. After he was drafted, he vowed to finish his degree at Syracuse University, which he is working towards. But how many failures do you hear of? How many cautionary tales have you heard about a 20 year-old that skipped college to go pro, only to have his dreams dashed, and left with no way to pay for college afterwards?

On the flip side, there is no role model like that for young girls. Candace Parker is a force, but her popularity is nowhere near LeBron James’s. She has been described as dominant, innovative, and transcendant. Those are three words that have been used by many to describe LeBron James, but you wouldn’t know it based on the ads, exposure, and their salaries. James made a little more than $4 million as a rookie, while Parker made a little less than $45,000. James signed a $100 million contract with Nike at the age of 18, and Parker has her picture in a few Adidas ads in select stores. To go back on what I said earlier, Parker IS a role model for young girls everywhere. But girls that believe in realism understand that even if they’re better than Parker, they won’t be anywhere as popular as LeBron James. No puppet commercials. No very own shoe. Popularity in the USA, but a lack of global appeal. A WNBA player would have to double what Michael Jordan did in his playing career to even make half a million dollars. That is unlikely, seeing as how the WNBA salary cap will be at under $1 million for this upcoming season.

James never stepped foot in a college classroom. As a matter of fact, I doubt that he even took an unofficial campus visit. Parker attended the University of Tennessee in Knoxville for 4 years and graduated with her incoming class with a degree in Sports Management. While James will most likely play pro basketball for the next decade and make hundreds of millions of dollars in the process, Parker will struggle to make $100,000 a year, but at least have a degree to fall back on. Because the money and fame isn’t there for WNBA players, I believe that’s why you see many more college-educated players in the WNBA than the NBA. Most of these women don’t really have a choice. They HAVE to graduate from college, because they can’t solely rely on their basketball career as a way to provide for themselves and family. Even with endorsements, top WNBA players still don’t make as much as players in the NBA that earn the league minimum, which is slightly over $1,000,000.

Part of the blame goes to rappers, other entertainers, and people in power positions as well. Yes, women are big figures in the entertainment industry, but in terms of who runs record labels, publishing and production companies, you simply don’t see many women in that place of power. We think of men more often than women when we’re asked about famous directors, producers, authors, composers, writers, et cetera. Obviously, it’s not because women aren’t qualified to hold these jobs, because we all know strong, powerful women. I believe that there’s an idea that a man sitting as CEO of a corporation will garner more respect, admiration, and fear than a woman. So many young boys have dreams of running a record label or being partner of a law firm, because they feel that’s what they’re supposed to do as an adult male. Young girls have these same aspirations, but I don’t think feeling entitled has anything to do with why many of them pursue their dreams. It’s a different mindset in the classroom between boys and girls(which will be discussed in part 2).

Cam’ron scoffed at the idea of going to college on a mixtape that I owned. He didn’t understand why anyone would want to go to college so they could toil and sweat for 4, 5 years, graduate, and then have to pay back a large amount of student loans. Do you think that message seeped through to more men or women? Do you think more men or women share that thinking with Cam’ron? It’s like Gucci Mane and his love of bricks, money, loose women, and guns. One can’t honestly believe that women are as likely as men to emulate Gucci’s lifestyle. Part of the male persona is machismo. We don’t want to admit when we’ve been screwed over, played, treated, carried, or whatever you want to call it. If that means a few of us forgo college because we don’t want to be saddled with ridiculous student loans or continue to live by certain rules and regulations as “adults”, missing out on a chance to better our futures, so be it. Being 28 with no job is not as embarrassing as being 28 and working at McDonald’s to more men than you think. Most of us want to be seen as providers, and it’s hard to be seen as that when you’re a grown man making minimum wage as a cashier at McDonald’s.

Have men become lazier? I can’t say. Are there more men looking for a woman with money? Of course. My question is: Is that SO wrong? Let’s face it: More women have more to give. It’s caused some complacency amongst men, I admit. But weren’t women the same years ago? I’m sure that 50 years ago, plenty of women married men for money, or to be simply taken care of. Again, I fully acknowledge that this was not because of shallow reasoning, but more out of necessity. However, it still happens now. Tell me with a straight face that you believe even half of professional athletes’ wives married them for their personality and I’ll jump off of the Willis Tower.

Ms. Frechette and I talked about our mothers (both in their 50s) and what was expected of them as women when they were in their 20s. Not much, we agreed. A little bit of the 1950s remained in the 1960s and 1970s. Many women had more of a want to find a husband than those that wanted to pursue their professional career. I don’t believe the average 70s woman entered college intent on completing their Bachelors and building off of that. I believe that because of what society deemed to be important then, more women were looking for potential husbands, as college is not a place for slackers. Although I’m not completely sure, I don’t think that a single woman celebrated her “singlehood” 30, 40 years ago the way women do in 2010. Being a single woman in your 20s in the 60s and 70s was not “normal”, and was frowned upon by some people. It was rare to find a woman established because of her own work and not a man’s back then, and it seems things have changed, for the most part.

Men have become more aware of the abundance of successful women, and some feel that it’s our turn to reap the benefits. It’s our turn to be taken out to dinner. We shouldn’t have to reach for the check everytime. Women can pay bills, and give us money when we’re in need. Women can buy us gifts, and not just because it’s Christmas or our birthday. For years, men were expected to run the household, and with so many women that are highly capable of doing the same, some men want to sit back, relax, and be catered to for a change. We see the number of women that own homes, pay their own rent, and drive their own car. Hell, even Jamie “I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit” Foxx released a song about a woman who “got it on her own”. Independent women are being celebrated more than ever. Whereas a single, successful woman was seen as some type of freak show years back, it is slowly becoming the norm. The way women once did, more and more men are latching onto these women and holding on for dear life. I don’t condone this behavior from men, but maybe there’s been a reversal in gender roles…finally… STAY TUNED FOR PART II…

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. “Like, I know, right?!”–Sarah Longwood, my favorite Valley girl…

I’m SICK of you Milton Bradley-haters…

I’m really annoyed by all the hatred that still remains for Milton Bradley. First, I want to clear something up. Milton Bradley is a jackass. He’s sarcastic, is not a “social” guy, and has a quick temper. Add a “me against the world” attitude, and you know why he’s playing for his 8th team in 9 seasons even though he’s a fairly talented baseball player. Yet, it unnerves me to know that there are so many Cubs fans and bloggers and Chicago sportswriters that seem to blame the Cubs mediocrity last season squarely on Milton Bradley.

I found myself booing him the way I once booed Todd Hundley. He couldn’t do anything right by my standards. I was disgusted by the sight of the guy that somehow stole a 3yr/$30mil contract from the dumbass aka Jim Hendry. I knew the Cubs were still in contention, but I kept imagining Bobby Abreu or Raul Ibanez in his position, and kept thinking that the Cubs would be atop the Central instead of trying to gain ground on the Deadbirds.

July and August come around, and suddenly, besides DLee, Bradley was the Cubs best hitter(check his numbers). It seemed like the summer would be saved, and then he popped off in late August about hatred. Racial epithets directed towards him, which a good number of people shrugged off, and some even insinuated that he used as an excuse for his poor numbers. I can only think of one fanbase off the top of my head that is more vanilla, and that is Boston’s. Watching home Yankees games gives you a glimpse at just how diverse New York City is. The same can be said for Dodgers and Angels games. The sad thing is that Chicago is just as diverse, but you wouldn’t know it by watching games at Wrigley, or even The Cell for the most part. Now the animosity between Bradley and everybody else increased. Once again, he vented to a reporter that Chicago is a negative place to play and he wasn’t surprised that the Cubs hadn’t won a World Series in 100 years. A couple doses of sarcasm to a reporter in September and finally, Jim Hendry pulled the plug on the Milton Bradley Experiment. Bradley finished the season hitting .257, with 12 homers and 57 RBI. His .OBP was .378 and his slugging percentage was a disappointing .397. He was ejected, threw mini-tantrums, made baserunning, fielding, and mental errors, struck out looking too often, and just simply didn’t produce.

It was clear that Bradley would be traded in the offseason. There was no way the Cubs could bring back a guy that had caused so much controversy on and off the field, on top of not producing. A matter of the team and players involved in the trade for Bradley was all that needed to be resolved. December, 19, 2009, Jim Hendry gave many Cubs fans an early Christmas present with a trade sending Bradley to the Seattle Mariners for underachieving pitcher Carlos Silva. Most Cubs fans prematurely penciled in another 10-15 wins for the Cubs next year, mainly due to the departure of Bradley. The clubhouse would be a lot better, and there wouldn’t be a moody presence in the dugout, either.

Yeah right. It’s funny how fans have no problem with an asshole as long as that asshole is producing. Cubs fans, remember Sammy Sosa? The guy who struck out 150+ times a season, mostly on pitches that were nowhere near the strike zone? The guy, who early in his career routinely overthrew cutoff men and attempted steals like a madman no matter the situation late in the season to reach the 30HR/30SB plateau? How many times did he wind up with only a single because he did a premature “Sammy hop”? I do believe it was Sosa who was the owner of the boombox that blasted salsa music in the clubhouse. While most other guys hit a homerun and went back to the clubhouse to be congratulated by teammates, Sosa made a production of it. The hop. Touching home and throwing two fingers to the sky. Coming back to the dugout and finding the camera and sending his own form of a shoutout to whoever the recipient was. When he was hitting 40HRs and winning ballgames by himself for the Cubs, no one had a problem with his ways. When he tailed off, we were ecstatic to trade him to Baltimore, virtually for Scary Hairston, Jr. Granted, he didn’t help his cause by leaving the ballpark early on what was Fan Appreciation Day, but Cubs fans lost all love for Sosa long before that. When you’re hitting .250 and striking out more than twice as much as you walk, you don’t have much leeway with any fans, let alone Cubs fans.

I do not point the finger only at Cubs fans. Ty Cobb was a well-known racist. Ted Williams, Stan Musial, Albert Belle, Jim Rice, and Barry Bonds were not known for being great guys either, but all of them were elite players that for the most part, were given passes by fans for being assholes. There are examples in football, basketball, hockey, and soccer as well(which I won’t get to now).

If Bradley were hitting .321 with 22HRs and a .436 OBP(he posted those numbers in 2008 with Texas in 126 games, only two more than he played with the Cubs in 2009)on September 20, 2009, I guarantee no one would have called for his head. Face it, we(because I am a Cubs fan, too)are not exactly an optimistic bunch. I’m only 24, and have had my heart broken by the Cubs more than I care to remember. We’re basically waiting for the dream to end every season. Some seasons it ends very early, and others we are driven(1984, 1989, 1998, 2003, 2007, 2008)to the point of self-destruction. And if you don’t believe that out of all of those drunk white guys in the outfield bleachers on a summer day at Wrigley, that not one would have the beer guts to shout something racist at an underperforming, already sour Bradley, you’re delusional.

The Cubs 2009 season was a disappointment, and not just because of Milton Bradley. It’s obvious that Bradley had a bad year. So did Alfonso Soriano, Mike Fontenot, Aaron Miles, Geovany Soto, ARam(I include him only because of his injury, from which I don’t think he ever fully recovered), Ryan Dempster, Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Aaron Heilman, Kevin Gregg, and Carlos Marmol(until he was named the closer). Kosuke Fukudome and Ryan Theriot were both average, so I tend to ignore their contributions. I don’t understand how Cubs fans have forgotten Sori’s huge contract and low production to this point, or that Zambrano is one of the highest-paid pitchers in the majors even though he’s the ace by default. Hendry missed out on a chance to add a proven ace in Jake Peavy to re-sign his buddy and clubhouse comedian, Ryan Dempster. Dempster is a good pitcher, but not a 4yr/$52 mil pitcher. Hell, add Lou Piniella and his weird management of the bullpen and lineup to that list, too.

There’s no way that Bradley’s bad performance stood out more than Soriano posting his worst season since his rookie year in the majors. Soto smoked pot, got fat, and proved that for some players, there is such a thing as a sophomore slump. Everyone is waiting for Zambrano to finally pitch more like an ace and not an overhyped #3. Gregg blew saves left and right while Marmol couldn’t throw more than one strike at a time, and it seemed like most fans were waiting for a Bradley strikeout or error.

Milton Bradley and Larry Vanover having a friendly conversation...

Bradley was wrong to speak so badly about Cubs fans, simply because we pay his bloated salary. I’m sure a lot more athletes feel that way about their home cities, but they’re “smart” enough to keep those thoughts to themselves. Also, it wouldn’t have hurt him to be nicer to members of the Chicago media, seeing as how they’re the ones that paint the final picture of him. Still, Cubs fans should’ve known that we were getting an ill-tempered, sometimes volatile, outspoken, injury-prone right fielder. Even though Bradley himself admitted that he had a bad year, his numbers weren’t that far from his career averages. When I read that Bradley wanted to be here, and that he told Byrd to enjoy it and not do the same things that he did to earn fans’ ire, I believe it. The guy’s a ballplayer. He’s just a different type of ballplayer. He’s not Mark Grace or Eddie Banks, guys that you would like to have a beer with. He didn’t produce like Sosa, allowing you to see past his ornery ways. He, along with many other Cubs, had a bad 2009 season. Bradley was just the most convenient whipping boy. Despite subpar performances from so many, the Cubs were still in playoff contention with several weeks left to play in the regular season.

Bradley will be the left fielder/right fielder/DH for the Seattle Mariners(who are my pick to win the 2010 AL West, by the way). The Cubs have signed center fielder Marlon Byrd, and Fukudome will move back to right field. Byrd will hit fifth, and a lot of people are counting on new hitting coach Rudy Jamarillo to help Cubs hitters rebound from a horrible 2009. The pitching is solid, but Lilly won’t bring his stale face to the bump every 5 days until around May, hopefully. So that means that we’ll have to pray that Randy Wells can work some more of his beginners magic. Speaking of “hopefully”, Marmol has finally found his place as a closer. I wouldn’t mind it if Piniella would resign as manager, and Ryan Sandberg(with Mark Grace as his bench coach)would take over.

In conclusion, GET OVER MILTON BRADLEY. He’s not even in the same league anymore. Be aware: If you see a guy at Wrigley in a Cubs Milton Bradley jersey, it’s me.

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. #shoutout to everyone that doesn’t blame the 2009 Cubs season on Milt…

It’s a woman’s world…

Fellas, have you ever really listened to James Brown’s “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World”? Really, you only need to listen to the first two lines of the song to understand what James was really trying to say through song:

This is a man’s world, this is a man’s world
But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

If you still don’t understand:

You see, man made the cars to take us over the road
Man made the trains to carry heavy loads
Man made electric light to take us out of the dark
Man made the boat for the water, like Noah made the ark

This is a man’s, a man’s, a man’s world
But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

Man thinks about a little baby girls and a baby boys
Man makes then happy ’cause man makes them toys
And after man has made everything, everything he can
You know that man makes money to buy from other man

This is a man’s world
But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

He’s lost in the wilderness
He’s lost in bitterness

Now if you still think that Brown was saying that this is strictly a man’s world, you might want to re-enroll in grammar school and brush up on Reading and Comprehension. Brown lists some of the significant contributions that man has made to our society. Not people, but men. Cars, trains, light, boats, et cetera, yes, we are given credit for their creations. We are supposedly the breadwinners, providers, and supporters. Still, James knows that we (heterosexual men) are NOTHING without women.

Often, it is brought up, whether on tv or the radio, or in movies, that women seem to run on a biological clock. Not because women understand that it is harder to have a healthy baby as they get older. Not because women want to be middle-aged and not a senior citizen while their child is a teenager. But because society has unintentionally told women that a woman is practically a failure if she’s over the age of 30, single, and with no kids. Many women know that this is not a written rule, but still fret over finding a husband and starting a family before they get “too old”. Too many times, women end up settling in fear of being 35, still single, with no kids. Some see their friends get married and have children at a relatively young age, and it in turn puts pressure on them to have the same things, even if she knows that it is not right for her or just plain unnecessary. Subconsciously, so many women find themselves looking ahead to their wedding day without even first finding someone to meet at the altar.

Do men work on a biological clock? Fortunately, no. It is not self-imposed or something that the media has pushed upon us. A man at 35 (most times) doesn’t feel as if he’s nearing the end of the road. In fact, a good number of men at that age feel as if they’re simply entering a second phase of manhood. There are too many examples of older men that became fathers to children of young women. Men that turn 40 and decide to “live it up”. Are we self-conscious? Absolutely, yes. The biggest difference, in my opinion, between men and women is that while women either aren’t afraid to show it or think that it’s acceptable for a woman to show such behavior, men don’t want ANYONE ELSE to know of our insecurities. Our fears. That we doubt when we say we’re confident. Some of us are truly frightened by the prospect of being single for the rest of our lives. Some worry that we won’t have a son to carry on our legacy. Or a daughter to walk down the aisle. Or that a woman will never see us for the good men that we are, but the dogs that a few portray.

This is a woman’s world, dammit. Pretty much everything that heterosexual men do, we do it for women. It could be something as simple as buying a new tie or getting a haircut. Or something on a larger scale, like buying a new article of clothing, car, or house. Some of us were told when we were younger that we do these things to attract a mate. I’ve never liked “finding a mate” (sounds animalistic), so I’ve always preferred to believe that men go out of their way to find a good woman. Are there false intentions? Of course. There are most definitely men that work so they can waste their money with the hopes of impressing a woman. There are men that buy a car they know they can’t afford, with the belief that they’ll be able to attract a plethora of women. Men lie about their jobs, salaries, cars, and even their living situation if it means they’ll be closer to landing a woman. At the same time, women approach men with false intentions all the time, so we’ll call that a wash.

The average man probably won’t admit it, but we NEED women. No, not just because without women, none of us would be here. And no, not because of the obvious: SEX. Rather because we feel complete when we have a good woman by our side. Again, that’s something the average man probably won’t admit, but I believe it to be true. For the most part, the single life is wonderfully awesome. You have a chance to better yourself, and focus only on your desires and wants. Still, it gives a man a great sense of pride to know that he is with a woman that is loyal to him. It’s an ego trip. The machismo kicks in. We want to do everything in our power to make our women happy. Regardless of color, race, and age, that’s what most men want. We look at you, and want to be better men in every way, shape, and form. Right there. On the spot. We want to be everything that you’ve ever wanted in a man, and then some. Men can go through life acting like they’re still on the playground. Still high school jackasses. College frat boys. Even board room assholes. All of a sudden, we want nothing to do with any of that when we find the right woman.

Regardless of what a man or woman tells you, not all of us are inconsiderate pricks. When a relationship is over, not all men pull out their cell phones to the tune of “On To The Next One”. We don’t all refer to women as bitches, hoes, skanks, sluts, skeezers, broads, and the like. Yes, some of us actually cry after a break-up. Some of us sit up at night wondering when we’ll finally find Ms. Right instead of Ms. Right Now. It’s frustrating for many of us to know that we wear the label of “liar”, “cheater”, or “dog” because a few of our brethren have screwed women over. It hurts even more to see a good woman mistreated. We look at men like Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Eric Benet, our fathers, uncles, cousins, brothers, and friends, and understand why so many women feel hopeless. We know that many of you want to give up on us, and some of you actually do. But we will ALWAYS need you. Without women, we would indeed be “lost in the wilderness” and “lost in the bitterness”. And as long as that’s the thinking amongst mature, responsible, and sensible men…IT’S A WOMAN’S WORLD…

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. #shoutout to my Billie Frechette, the dopest getaway driver a dude could ever ask for…

What’s it gonna be?

I’ve never claimed to totally, or even partially understand women. Even though I was raised by a single mother and my grandmother, I’ll never make that claim. Even though the majority of my closest friends are women(who I talk to regularly), I STILL won’t make that claim. I’ve heard a woman’s point of view basically my entire life. I NEVER had anything that closely resembled a father figure. And yet, I know I couldn’t possibly even begin to say that I know women. However, I am very observant. I pay very close attention to words first, and then actions. Example: A female friend(who shall be called “Amy”)and I were discussing men who push for sex…EARLY. As in, “I know this was only our first date, but…” She complained that “too many guys try to get you drunk”. I totally felt what she was saying, and understood why she would be upset by the notion that a guy would EXPECT sex after a first date. Or even bring up the possibility of it. Or even make a futile attempt at urging a woman to get intoxicated. Fast forward two weeks, and while a few of us are sitting around having a good time with Mary Jane, she starts singing, “Don’t wanna disrespect ya, know I just met ya/But we both know we want/ First date sex”. What is the difference between Trey Songz TELLING a woman what SHE wants and a guy simply bringing up the idea of sex after the first date? Two words: Trey. Songz. Not the regular guy on the street or in the club, but the famous, rich, popular R&B artist. I’m not sure why it is that some women clamor about being disrespected by men, and yet support artists who virtually do the same thing through song. Trey Songz is obviously not the only artist guilty of this, but right now, he seems to be your girlfriend’s fantasy. I hear a good number of young women speak of him as if he is their Marvin Gaye. As if he is the king of swoon. A man who makes songs titled, “Cheat On You” and “Stickyface”(yes, the song is what you think it’s about)is not swooning anyone, even if he does make a song that tugs at a woman’s heart every once in a while. I had this same feeling 3 years ago when Webbie dropped the single, “Gimme Dat”. He pulled no punches, telling women to, “Gimme dat pussy”. And women ate. It. Up. Fellas, imagine walking up to a woman and repeating those same three words. You would either get laughed at, slapped, punched, or kicked in the gonads. Or maybe all four. And what’s the difference between the average guy and Webbie? Well, Webbie is a celebrity(at least he’s seen as one in some circles). That’s honestly the only significant difference that I see. The song “Tip Drill” got PLENTY of women in clubs to shake their asses, as well. Besides a group of young women at Spelman University, I wasn’t aware of any other large groups of women that spoke out against Nelly’s poor excuse of not only a song, but a video. I am a man that LOVES women, but that video was totally unnecessary. And it alarmed me that for about three months, women in clubs in Chicago and parts of Michigan went absolutely CRAZY when this song came on. Women that would most likely harp about men and their lack of respect for women. It’s ignorant music, plain and simple. Have I ever listened to ignorant music? Sure I have. Hell, it’s hard to ignore, let alone avoid. Would I ever support an artist that contributed to this “semi-genre”? Not in a million light years. I know that there are a good number of women that couldn’t care less whether Dwayne Carter the rapper or Dwayne Carter the average Joe Blow said, “I just wanna fuck every girl in the world”. They’d be offended just the same. What is alarming to me is the number of simplistic songs telling women things that they claim they don’t want to hear from the average guy. And again, they eat it up. Gucci Mane, Dwayne, Trey Songz, Yo Gotti, and other male artists that partake in this behavior and show such “creativity” don’t make those songs for men. They make them for women. I just don’t think it’s fair for a woman to expect me or other men to be Prince Charming, yet allow a “celebrity” to address them as if they’re nothing more than a sex object. In no way, shape, or form am I condoning the chauvinistic, misogynistic actions that are exhibited by some men. It’s vile, obscene, and there’s no place for it in ANY society. But for the few women that contradict yourselves when it comes to the matter of how a man addresses you…get a grip. P.S. I miss Karen!!! P.P.S. #shoutout to PB the Dealer and Vanilla Thriller Killer