Be more selective, ladies…

It’s sad to be on the streets, bus, train, or in a car and see a woman pushing a stroller or struggling to keep up with her kids…by herself. Obviously, most of us think that all women possess the innate ability to be uber-maternal and raise children by themselves no matter the circumstances, but it’s much more difficult than we can imagine. I won’t bring up the statistics and figures on fatherless children; we’ve seen enough commercials and heard enough testimony to know that in most cases, there are negative results. The number of men (Black men, especially) that decide that they’re fine with helping bring a child into the world and not caring for him/her is alarming, and it shows just how selfish and immature a good number of men are. However, these men don’t only find themselves as fathers of children that they don’t want to raise. These same men mislead women into believing that they genuinely want to be with them, or that they’ll be faithful during their relationship. Sharon Stone once said: “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” Unfortunately, in too many cases, this is true.

However, I don’t totally buy into the victim role that so many women choose to portray. I’ve never been cheated on (knowingly), so I can’t speak on how it feels, but I believe that the experience shouldn’t stay with you for a lifetime. It shouldn’t dictate the way you treat men, or how you handle future relationships. Yet so many women proclaim that they’ve lost respect and will refuse to put any trust into men based on the way one (or several, for the truly unlucky ones) has treated them in the past. This is also very sad, and actually, quite disturbing.

I don’t really know what to say to women who have been scorned. “Get over it” won’t suffice, and would not be compassionate. I would like to tell women to be more selective, though. I was having a conversation with a young (single and childless) woman some time ago on Twitter about deadbeat dads and men in general. She basically said the blame falls completely on men for their inability to use protection and failure to tell the truth. “Women operate on emotion, and men are supposed to use logic, right?” were her EXACT words. That was her reasoning, that women can’t help the mistakes they make because they get so emotionally caught up in the moment, while we’re (men) supposed to be the ones that think things through. There are other women that share this sentiment. I’ve heard some say that it is not a woman’s job to provide protection, and yet, they have sex anyway. Never mind the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, we are to blame for that. This is just downright ridiculous. My counterargument was very simple. If you’re in a position that you’re not comfortable with or unsure of, why stay? Amazingly, she didn’t admit what many of us already know: Some women simply want companionship, no matter the cost.

Have you ever heard some women explain why they remain in an abusive, toxic relationship? “I love him” or “We have children together” are often the excuses used most often. I totally understand those two points, but why don’t more women think about the long-term consequences of their actions? Do you really believe it’s healthy to expose your children to an abusive relationship? Whether it’s physical or verbal abuse, it will most likely have a negative effect on yourself AND your children in the long run.

It’s not very easy to end a relationship, even the ones that are going nowhere fast. Most of us want to work through the problems, which is my preferred method when in a committed relationship. To ignore warning signs is not the answer, and it sets you and your partner up for major trouble. I know of too many women and have heard too many stories that included meaningless sex, broken promises, heartbreak, despair, and much sorrow.

There’s no need to lay down with a man just because he shows interest or promises you the world. It may take longer to find what you REALLY want in a man, but being selective only brightens your future. There’s no such thing as a biological clock, and the sooner more women figure that out, the less STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and failed relationships will run rampant in our society. Granted, it is on men as well to do their part to contribute to successful relationships between men and women, but women need not think that it totally falls on us anymore. That time has passed. Don’t allow external pressures to cause you to be with someone or do something that you don’t want to do. Women have fully-functioning brains and possess great decision-making skills, and those qualities shouldn’t disappear when dealing with men, regardless of how lonely they may be or what they feel society expects from them. In the words of Nas, “Life is what you make it”, ladies…

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. Word.


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