Please…don’t blame it on the alcohol…

After Monday’s Bears/Packers game, Packers safety Nick Collins got into a “verbal altercation” with several Bears fans. He claims that one of them spit on him (which, in my opinion is the worst thing you can do to another human being) and that another (or maybe the same one) called him a nigger. He in turn threw his mouthpiece into the stands and looked to challenge one of them to come down into the tunnel to face him. Of course no fan in their right mind would accept that challenge, because they’d be destroyed, in a literal sense.

I think hecklers are some of the biggest cowards on the planet. They hurl all types of insults–some racial–at athletes knowing that they can’t be touched. Teammates and security personnel wouldn’t allow an athlete to fight a fan, or even make his/her way into the stands (unless you’re familiar with “Malice at the Palace”). Often times these fans are mad because their team has been torched, and in many more instances, are belligerently drunk.

In today’s Chicago Sun-Times, Rick Morrissey wrote an article on whether these hecklers are drunk, or just plain idiots. In my opinion, they’re more of the latter, and I wish alcohol would stop being used as an excuse for a person who acts like an asshole.

I went to Michigan State University, and like at most colleges, there’s a lot of drinking. A LOT. Enough drinking to make you vomit just thinking about it. Beer pong, flip cup, beer kegs, beer bottles, beer cans, keg stands, hard liquor, bars, clubs, lounges, liquor stores, football games, basketball games, hockey games, intramural floor hockey games…you name the situation, and somebody will find a way to incorporate alcohol. Because so many of the students are underage and can’t legally buy alcohol or even sit at a bar, binge drinking occurs very often as well. Kids miss classes, quizzes, exams, assignments, midterms, finals, important meetings, and basically screw up their lives because of the desire to party and get drunk.

Even in the “real world”, excessive and even moderate drinking has its consequences. Infidelity, broken relationships, divorce, lost jobs and lost children are just a few results of giving in to boozing it up.

Jamie Foxx has a song titled “Blame It On The Alcohol”, which is one of the worst songs written AND sung (stupid fucking Auto-Tune) in the history of music. In it, he employs the listener to blame indiscretions on alcohol. Caught cheating? Blame it on the alcohol. Sleep with your best friend’s girlfriend? Blame it on the alcohol. Run over a kid at the playground? Blame it on the alcohol. Well, maybe not that last one, but I’m sure you get my point. Whatever horrible thing you do, just blame it on the tequila. Or vodka. Or whiskey. Or rum.

I thought it was completely asinine for a GROWN ASS MAN to be singing about blaming screwups on alcohol. That’s something you might expect a college freshman to do, or even a high school student experimenting with alcohol for the very first time. But an adult? In the words of Chad Ochocinco, “Child, please”.

I’d like to think that everyone in my age range (25-35) would know by now that, when consuming alcohol of any amount, there are going to be consequences. You know, like slurred speech, euphoria, lowered inhibition, erratic behavior, and even coma and death, which could happen in more extreme cases of inebriation. I’ve been at a Cubs games in Wrigley Field and heard a Cubs fan call Albert Pujols a spic and accuse him of “leaving his bat on the boat”. When I turned around and confronted him, his friend told me to leave him alone because he was drunk. A friend of mine got a call from his girlfriend, and she told him that she had sex with a guy at a party. She didn’t understand why he was enraged at this. Why? “I was drunk. What’s the big deal?” True story. People say and do a lot of stupid and irrational things on a daily basis. Most times, these acts are committed when people are sober because, let’s face it, there are a lot of stupid and irrational people in this world.

If Collins allegations of a Bears fan using racial epithets is true, we shouldn’t cut that fan any slack because he/she was under the influence. We should put that fan in a cage with Collins for 3 minutes and let them duke it out. Even if there were no racial slurs tossed around, the spitting alone warrants a severe ass-beating. Alcohol is such a weak cover that it doesn’t even make sense. Isn’t alcohol widely regarded as a “truth serum”? It’s funny how we say that until someone (usually someone who we associate ourselves with) says or does something controversial, and then we try to let it go because alcohol was involved. If someone gets drunk and commits murder, they are considered a murderer. Point, blank, peri-ahd. You won’t get a pass because your BAC was .16 (shoutout to Braylon Edwards–gotta love that U of M education). If you want to drink, I have no problem with that. As long as you know your limits and don’t get behind the wheel, there are no qualms on my end. However, if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone else’s ire…DON’T BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL.

P.S. I miss Karen and the Moondance Woman!!!

P.P.S. Trash men didn’t get my trash today/Oh, wonder why, they want more pay…


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