No BRITA!!!

5 People/Things That Need To Go Away Immediately

1) Betty White: Oh my freaking Allah, I am so tired of hearing this woman’s name and seeing her face. Ever since her appearance in a Snickers commercial during this year’s Super Bowl, it seems like the entire country has fallen in love with the 800 year-old former Golden Girl. Everything she’s done since has been lauded as comedic genius. Her character in a recent episode of Community was bizarre, and not in a Bobcat Goldthwait kind of way, either. She was terrible as host of SNL, and the sketch with her bringing her “muff” to a pair of radio hosts was nowhere near the realm of funny. She’s not the funniest old woman in entertainment right now, if you didn’t already know. Cloris Leachman is. By the way, she wasn’t even the funniest character on “Golden Girls”. Sophia was, although I mainly watched the show for Blanche.

2) Nicki Minaj: It brings me much pain to say that Nicki Minaj is wack. It hurts me so because, well, she is HOT. The African, Trinidadian, and Indo-Asian “MC” has a pretty face and a frame that would have Ricky Martin reconsidering who he’d want to share the dance floor with. Yes, there are rumors that her ass is fake, but that’s neither here nor there. Did this chick stalk Lil’ Kim about 15 years ago or what? From the wigs to the makeup to her clothes and hypersexualized persona, pretty much everything about her screams, “I’m a Lil’ Kim biter!” The only thing that she didn’t steal from Kim was Kim’s lyrical prowess. Eh. When you’re rolling with Young Money, that obviously doesn’t matter.

3) Ozzie Guillen: Plain and simple, this guy is a moron. Imbecile. Idiot. dim-witted. Simple. Unintelligent. I don’t say this because I’m a Cubs fan, but because I have common sense. Whether he’s throwing verbal jabs at former players (Magglio Ordonez, Jim Thome, Nick Swisher) or opining that Major League Baseball is “taking advantage” of Latinos because they aren’t provided with translators upon entering the majors, he doesn’t have a clue. The guy should be on trial for murdering the English language. Combine those beautiful qualities with the fact that he’s always whining about how the Cubs get all of Chicago’s love, and it’s easy to see why he made this list.

4) American Idol: Seriously. People still watch this show?!?! I haven’t watched the show at all since Tamyra Gray got jobbed. It’s sad that sensitive ass Americans (we coined the phrase “I can talk about my wife, but you can’t”) seem to hate everything about my homeboy Simon Cowell, but won’t admit he’s basically the only reason they even watch this atrocity disguised as a reality television show. This show is more about the talentless than the talented now. Damn you, William Hung. Who really wanted to see a pill-happy, cocktail-influenced Paula Abdul? Or see Randy Jackson try to prove that he’s black by saying “dawg” 100 times in an hour? What the hell does Ellen DeGeneres have to do with music? The lady is MAD corny. If you don’t believe me, watch her try to be hip on her show. Question: How many winners of American Idol have actually gone on to become an American idol?

5) Evangelists and deranged/hypocritical church leaders: As an unapologetic Atheist, I can’t get on board with any religious belief system. Personally, I can’t see the point in religion, but I’ll save my explanation for another post. (I’ll do so without coming off as “anti-Christian, I promise) I don’t have too much of a problem with evangelists as long as they stay in their place. I’ll take your literature and even listen to your message for a few minutes (because I, unlike so many people who practice a religion, am open-minded), but I won’t tolerate threats of damnation (HA! “Damnation”?! Puh-lease!) or a quasi-lecture from you.  Florida pastor Terry Jones tried to lead a crusade to burn copies of the Qu’ran in an effort to show his true anti-Muslim colors. Even at President Obama and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates’ urging, he still considered the September 11 burning. Hypocritical church leaders definitely irk me beyond belief, namely two black ones, Rev. James Meeks and Bishop Eddie Long. They will one second say that God loves all of His children, and then in the next preach anti-gay sentiment. I won’t touch on the allegations against Bishop Long, which would show even more hypocrisy if they are indeed true. Their feelings are especially disheartening considering, like homosexuals, their parents and grandparents were discriminated against for something they had absolutely no control over. Even more off-putting is that so-called men of God like Jones, Meeks, and Long have thousands of followers who spread forth their message of intolerance and prejudice to their communities, thus creating more hate and division. While I’m no fan of the church or religion, I respect the “sanctity” of both. But people like Jones, Meeks, and Long? They can rocks in the winter while barefoot.

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. I saw her rockin’ my letterman on Letterman/Now I’m amped…


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