How Honest Is Too Honest?

“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone, and hurt them to the bone, but you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time” – Dave Van Ronk

So, I’ve been single for a while now, which is an adjustment it itself. Needless to say the dating realm has changed a bit since I left it four years ago to take a stab at true love and pure monogamy. It’s been quite….interesting to say the least. Anyway, a gentleman that I met a while ago recently shared a little bit of information with me regarding his past relationships. We were conversing, and like every human being who’s been cheated on, honesty is the most valued thing. We talked about life, our goals, ambition. He’s well educated so the conversation went smoothly. Somehow we got on the subject of why we were single. He proceeded to tell me what happened with him and his ex, and admitted that he’d cheated on her. RED FLAG. Now no one is perfect, and most likely you will run into a person who has cheated before if you yourself have not. What got me was that as the conversation progressed, he admitted that he had not only cheated on his ex with two other women, but on every girl he’s ever been involved with. DOUBLE RED FLAG. Now naturally, this wasn’t some new-found information that excited me. Whenever someone’s honest, I have two reactions: 1. Thankful for them giving me the choice to continue to be involved with them given the information presented and 2. Getting them to understand that just because they were honest with me, it doesn’t require me to be any more accepting of the information. Naturally, this made me question honesty. I know that I wouldn’t have liked for him to lie to me, but was it really necessary for him to confess that he cheated on everyone that’s he’s been in a relationship with? So I ask the question my friends: How honest is too honest?


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