Unfortunately, I’m still here.

I heard through the grapevine that the world was supposed to end today. Something about Jesus and a Rapture, saved souls, praise is due, jello shots, Conservative views, virgins shopping at Old Navy and all of that good madness. Apparently, nothing has happened or I’m in some sort of odd Purgatory that is not all-white or even all-black, but all-lime green. And Minnie Riperton is making screwdrivers while Bill Withers sings about cocaine and the WNBA.

I don’t claim to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and I have absolutely no intentions of “accepting him as my Lord and Personal Savior” in the future. While some religious folk flipped out at the prospect of a possible apocalypse/series of bad storms/Jesus showing up in their moonshine, I wanted to make sure I got home this morning in one piece. Judge me. Don’t judge me. A rat’s ass, I give not, I assure the lot of you. I know what’s happening to me when I die. And it doesn’t involve a final judgment and pearly gates, or burning pits of fire and excruciating pain and everlasting torture.

I don’t ask for much. I understand that I am a double minority: a Black Atheist. However, spare me the lectures about how a relationship with God is more important than any I could ever have with any living, breathing, human being. Or pepperoni pizza. Or my jumblies. Oh, you love the Lord? That is great for you. Still, there’s no need to spew (yes, spew) all types of ignorant garbage that are obviously “Get your lives together” shots at non-believers.

A person can have morals without practicing religion. Faith should not be directly associated with having a sound moral compass and I hope that eventually, my generation will no longer allow self-righteousness to consume them as it did previous ones. For that self-righteousness to partially stem from religious beliefs in a day and age when we are supposed to be more tolerant than our parents, grandparents, etc., is even more disheartening.

I’ll always be willing to discuss my opinion when it comes to religion, but I would never air so many members of the God Squad out on a daily basis by pointing out their blatant ignorance or bullshit “methods”. My problem is not with all believers, but the incessantly annoying evangedouches. We have 19 months before we need to finally hash things out.

P.S. I miss Karen! I miss the Moondance Woman!

P.P.S. My applesauce tastes like pistachios and french fries.

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