I’m a “different” type of Cubs fan…

As I mentioned in my last post, I am 24 years old, and from the South Side of Chicago. I’m a diehard Cubs fan. Around 20-30 times a year, I can be found in Aisle 425 at Wrigley Field. Cubs cap, shirt or hoody, no peanuts, no beer, totally into the game. I stand for the national anthem and the 7th inning stretch. I scream my lungs out when a good play is made, and I boo when I see a travesty or injustice on the field. I want what every other Cubs fan wants, 162 games a year: WINS.

Yet, I consider myself to be a “different” type of Cubs fan. I don’t bring up 1908, the 101-year title drought, 1945, the billy goat, black cat, Evers-Tinkers-Chance, the collapse in the 1984 NLCS, 1989, 1998, 2003 (that often), 2007, 2008, or Milton “Scapegoat” Bradley (at least to throw insults at him). Yes, I consider myself to be a rabid Cubs fan, but I know when to turn it off. I don’t want to be the type of fan that is 80 years old, and feels his life isn’t complete because the Cubs haven’t won a World Series. Words couldn’t describe my feelings if the Cubs were to win the World Series, although I’m sure I’d cry tears of joy. Still, it is not a top priority to see the Cubs win a World Series before I die.

I guess the Milton Bradley Experiment made me realize just how different I am. It seems that many Cubs experts, er, fans, were not aware of the type of player that Milton Bradley is. Injury-prone, volatile, and unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions in most cases. A good, but not great hitter, who’s never been known for his fielding or athletic ability, and not a “clubhouse guy”. He had a very good, but not great 2008, and that was mostly because he hit in a lineup with other powerful hitters, in a hitters park (Arlington), and was the team’s primary DH, which obviously put less strain on his body. Bradley became the 2009 whipping boy for Cubs fans. Never mind the fact that the moron formerly known as Jim Hendry decided to give him a 3 year, $30 million contract despite the fact that he’d never played more than 2 full seasons with a team in his entire career. Or that there were cheaper, more reliable alternatives, such as Bobby Abreu and Raul Ibanez. Or that Soriano, Soto, Gregg, Miles, Fukudome, Heilman, and Fontenot had terrible seasons. Cubs fans had found their bitch. Because of this, I now find myself cheering for Bradley, even though he’s playing in Seattle. Bradley eventually played the race card, and most dismissed both notions that he’d faced racism, and that fans at Wrigley are racist, period. What infuriated me most were the Cubs fans that used the excuse: “We’re not racist, we love Derrek Lee!” That’s the equivalent of a white person denying that they’re racist, and bringing up their one black friend in order to refute that claim. To that, I say “oy vey”.

The departures of Kerry Wood and Mark Derosa also made me realize I’m not like the average Cubs fan. I didn’t come close to shedding a tear upon hearing of their departures. I’m sorry, but I didn’t lose sleep when I learned that Kerry Wood wouldn’t be re-signed. His career highlight came in his rookie season, when he struck out 20 in a game against Houston. I was at that game, and thought I was looking at the next Roger Clemens. Unfortunately, his career was marred by injuries and trips to the disabled list, and when he was healthy, he didn’t even win 15 games. While Mark Derosa was a highly productive player, I couldn’t grasp how so many Cubs fans (a good number of them, females) reacted as if the Cubs had just traded an All-Star. I also learned that a good number of Cubs fans seem to react without thinking, feeling as if Mark Derosa was traded for Milton Bradley. This is what I like to call “the lazy truth”. Yes, Derosa’s salary needed to be moved in order for the team to sign Milton Bradley. However, if Lou Piniella hadn’t flipped out after being swept in the 2008 NLDS by the Dodgers, whining to everyone within earshot about a need for more lefties in the lineup, Milton Bradley wouldn’t have spent one inning in a Cubs uni in 2009. In addition, Mark Derosa was the Cubs primary second baseman. If Piniella didn’t endorse Mike Fontenot as a worthy candidate to play second on a daily basis, Derosa wouldn’t have gone anywhere. Add the ownership issues before the 2009 season, and the Cubs front office just wasn’t sure if the new owner would be in favor of adding, without subtracting salaries.

I’ll say it. I’m not a fan of the “Bleacher Bums”. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I find them vile, disgusting, assholish, or “a bunch of immature fucking drunks who are more interested in beer than baseball” (my little brother’s description of them), but I believe they give Cubs fans a bad reputation. The men are sometimes shirtless, the women are sometimes damn near shirtless, a good number of them are belligerently drunk, and at times, it looks more like a frat party than a section in the stands where fans would be watching a baseball game. Ron Santo? Meh. Most Cubs fans love him, and some find him annoying. I tend to identify myself with the latter, especially when listening to him on the radio. Despite his Harry Caray impersonation, I’m not high on Ryan Dempster or his contract. A Dusty Baker basher? I am not. Why would I trash a man that managed the Cubs within a few outs of the World Series? Could he have gone out and talked to Mark Prior after Bartman lunged for a souvenir? Yes. Was it necessary? No. The Cubs could’ve closed it out the 2003 NLCS in game 5 (good ol’ Zambrano was the starter) and had a chance in game 7 (Cubs cult hero Wood was the starter), but they didn’t. Allow me to remind you of the tailor-made double play ball hit to sure-handed Alex Gonzalez that could’ve gotten the Cubs out of that dreadful inning in game 6 as well. 2004 wasn’t his fault, either, as the Cubs choked down the stretch. Go ahead, be an idiot and blame Baker for Wood and Prior’s injury problems. Wood had a serious elbow injury early in his career (while Baker was managing the Giants), and a good number of people felt it was only a matter of time before Prior and his “perfect mechanics” would break down. I was a huge fan of Sammy Sosa, and still am. It’s funny how most Cubs fans ignored his selfishness and lack of basic fundamentals when he was carrying the team. Once that stopped, Cubs fans couldn’t wait to see him go. I’m young, and am not interested in getting a history lesson every single day. I’m not gullible, nor am I overly pessimistic. I am a Cubs fan, but I was a baseball fan first, and I’ll always be that way. I’m not all that interested in the mystique of Wrigley Field. I don’t care for the guest 7th inning stretch singers. I absolutely despise the ¬†“Lovable Losers” tag with a fiery passion. I like to make fun of fellow Cubs fans. I’m well-aware that there’s a little bit of an uppitiness about Cubs fans, also.

My love for the Cubs never has, and never will waver. If anyone wants to question my knowledge of baseball, try me. Chances are, I’m more knowledgeable than you are. I’m always open to logical, realistic conversation about anything pertaining to baseball. Disclaimer: I out morons like TMZ outs cheating spouses and drug addicts, and to be honest, I take joy in it. There are most certainly Cubs fans who annoy me on a daily basis, but I have love for all of them…especially the different ones.

P.S. I miss Karen!!!

P.P.S. Who loves ya, baby?!

President Obama’s Bill of Rights…

It has been reported that President Barack Obama has rewritten the United States Bill of Rights. “I would first like to pay homage to James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, and all of its original supporters. Without these basic civil liberties, our society might not exist the way it does today. But, as I said during my inaugural speech, I am about change.”


President Obama talks about the new Bill of Rights...

The original Bill of Rights and The Obamaments:

First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

First Obamament: This country is mostly a Christian nation, but will not shove it in everyone’s faces anymore. There will be no more swearing on the Bible in court, and “In God We Trust” will be taken off of all US currency. This country will make a more conscious effort to acknowledge followers of all religions, and those who are Atheists as well. Everyone can say what they want, as long as they think before they speak. TMZ, National Enquirer, The Sun, et cetera, will not be recognized as members of the press, but as douchebags from now on. Rallies will no longer be allowed, because we all know they’re just an excuse for people to miss work, or cause a scene.

Second Amendment: A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Second Obamament: If you qualify for a permit/license, you can carry a gun. Only after you prove that you don’t have the aim of Shaquille O’Neal at the free-throw line.

Third Amendment: No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Third Obamament: It’s bad enough that some of you live with people that don’t pay rent/mortgage, bills, cook, clean, or even practice good hygiene. I assure you, that even in time of war, you won’t have to worry about a soldier firing a M-16 from your bathroom window, or having to take hand grenades out of a soldier’s dirty laundry. Your homes are your homes.

Fourth Amendment: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Fourth Obamament: This amendment will basically remain the same. However, I plan to crack down on Chicago police officers with vivid imaginations.

Fifth Amendment: No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Fifth Obamament: There will be an IQ test given to all members of a grand jury, and new measures are being put into place to ensure that members don’t exhibit any prejudices or discriminatory behavior. The same will go for military proceedings. For those with an extensive criminal record, you could find yourself subject to being tried twice if you aren’t convicted the first time. No whining. No longer will you be allowed to “plead the fifth”, and anybody who withholds information from law enforcement will be promptly charged with obstruction of justice and hit punched in the face by Manny Pacquiao. Your house and personal property cannot be taken from you unless you are/were a supporter of John McCain. And Gucci Mane.

Sixth Amendment: In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Sixth Obamament: You will still be entitled to a trial in a reasonable amount of time. If you commit a crime that warrants you a spot on “World’s Dumbest Criminals”, your sentence will be much harsher. Trials will still be public, but shows like Sportscenter and Entertainment Tonight will be prohibited from reporting about them. Only unemployed people will serve jury duty.

Seventh Amendment: In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Seventh Obamament: Juries will still be allowed in civil cases. All judge shows, except Judge Judy, will be taken off the air immediately. Judge Joe Brown will be imprisoned for loquaciousness and incessant rambling.

Eighth Amendment: Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Eighth Obamament: Excessive bail and fines, nor cruel and unusual punishments will not be levied against you. Unless you are an arrogant, pompous, undeserving celebrity. Also, anyone that wears a “Free (insert celebrity name here)” tee shirt or urges others to pray for an imprisoned or embattled celebrity will be exiled from their communities and placed on a deserted island with other morons.

Ninth Amendment: The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Ninth Obamament: I hope that the majority of you are intelligent enough to know that you have more rights than those listed in the Constitution. If not, become a member of the Tea Party Movement.

Tenth Amendment: The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Tenth Obamament: If the Constitution doesn’t give a certain power to Congress, I trust that the states and the people will responsibly enforce certain laws, limits, rules, and regulations. If Sarah Palin holds political office, that state shall have its ability to govern its people taken away.

Relationship summer school…

Oy vey. Is what I said a little over 4 months ago. My whole world seemed to come crashing down. A king, without his queen, I was. I was in more of a funk than Parliament in their heyday. I had something that seemed so genuine, so thorough, so…dope, and suddenly, it was no more. One nonchalant “I’m kinda blah about it” and it was over. There would be no more “us” or “we” or “you and I”. We would go our separate ways, which was something I honestly, before that day, never thought would happen. I didn’t understand what the hell happened. The blame was pretty much placed squarely on me even though I pretty much made anything we had actually exist. I went all-out, 24/7/365, and when I was told that any future efforts would be futile… Wow. I wasn’t sure how I would get over it. Then, I woke up one morning and realized that I’d done everything that I could for her. That SHE at times wondered if she reciprocated the love properly. That even though we’d both gotten out of toxic relationships, she was still holding on to her feelings for her ex, and simply wasn’t ready to let go. I was HER rock, and it hit me: Maybe she just wasn’t mine. Maybe her efforts, or lack thereof, wouldn’t have been conducive to the married life. Her reasoning for the split was, and still is, in my opinion, total bullshit. I’m not sure why she felt that way, but not too long ago, I caught a case of the let-go’s. I stopped caring. I still love her, and there’s even a part of me that wants to tell her that. However, I ask myself, ‘For what?’ Really, what would that accomplish? Shitted on and treated as if I don’t exist, and I’m sitting here semi-pining to hear her voice, to see her smile, or to goofily walk down the street with her. It wasn’t HEALTHY, mentally or physically, to stay in that state of mind. There were pieces that needed to be picked up, and a new path that needed to be walked upon. Sometimes, some of us beat ourselves up over the end of a relationship; especially when we’re made out to be the antagonist or reason for its demise and eventual death. We do this because we KNOW we gave the relationship everything we could during its duration…and all for naught. To not even be acknowledged, to be questioned and doubted. To be hurt, lied to, and seemingly led astray. To be told that everything is fine, when in reality, it was the complete opposite. It hurts us so because we care SO much. Can you imagine being ready to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with ONE PERSON? I was ready. She claimed she was ready. Optimism and hope filled our lives moreso than the air we breathed. Which led to sublte doubts. Which led to uneasiness. Which led to the end. I beat myself up because I wanted so badly for things to back as they once were. Those of us that carried the relationship, whether emotionally, financially, or physically, tend to do that. It’s not kosher, people. Did we make mistakes during the course of the relationship? Of course. Could we have done better, overall? Again, of course. What separates us from them, though, is that we were willing to do whatever it took to right any wrong that had presented itself. We were more than willing to face every obstacle and hurdle…together. The thing is, we understood that no matter what transpired, there was a common denominator: a committed relationship. We committed ourselves to every little good and bad thing that anyone or anything could possibly detect in “them”. We accepted their flaws as a part of them, and not some sort of completely separate persona or behavior. The problem? The favor wasn’t returned. Whether you’d been lied to, cheated on, beaten, or just downright treated like shit, know that you didn’t deserve it. Working on ourselves afterwards is vital. Not for an undeserving ex, but for a more deserving potential future partner. I’m determined to not have my heart broken and put back together with stale, weak ass Elmer’s glue. I’m determined to be a better person. Not because I wasn’t a good person before, but because I want the next woman to know that despite the past, I’m better than ever. Despite any flaws or shortcomings, I’ve fully acknowledged that moving forward is the best thing to do. Moving forward with her. If love is a science, it is the biggest mindfuck of an experiment that there has ever been. Consider all of the variables. There are too many to count. Often, our hypotheses and conclusion are worlds apart. Mainly, because we’re in the lab while they wait around for the results. Don’t ever work late hours in the lab, with the test tubes, bunson burners, and laptop by yourself again. I guarantee that they’ll find a way to be disappointed by your findings. And you’ll have nothing to show for all of your experimentation and scientific research. Bill Nye the Science Guy should’ve aired a show on how to find the perfect love, because people like us truly deserve it. To all my fellas and chicks that STILL put in work in the lab: Your efforts will someday be greatly and wholeheartedly appreciated. Just make sure you don’t allow a slacker lab partner to take credit for something that they shouldn’t. P.S. I miss Karen! P.S. #shoutout to Peach(good look), my future wife aka @CookieMonster, Fowler, and last but not least…KMo.